Two Birds, One Stone
by Screaming Faeries
Summary: in which Oliver needed an excuse to get both him and Percy out of an unwanted situation. Written for OCDdegrassi :)


**Thanks to Liza for helping with concept and beta!**

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 **Written For:**

\- Monthly Oneshot Exchange: For OCDdegrassi, prompt used: sapiosexual.

\- Film Festival: Dialogue - "You're pretty sexy when you get angry."

\- Scavenger Hunt: Use the prompt set: (colour) mauve, (word) spring, (dialogue) "You have got to be kidding me."

\- Easter/Guess the Name - Mustard: Percy

\- Writing Club/Character Appreciation: Oliver Wood

\- Writing Club/Days of the Month: Find a Rainbow Day - Only feature queer characters or pairings

\- Writing Club/Liza's Loves: Fake Dating!AU

\- Writing Club/Ami's Audio Admirations: Denim Cut-Offs - Plot Point: A character is gay.

\- Couple Appreciation: Fake-dating

\- Gobstones: Blue - Friendship, (object) Towel, (object) Parchment, (dialogue) The only way I'm going on a date with you is when we get cast down to hell together when I murder you."

 **Word Count:** 752

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oOo

Oliver was standing in front of the mirror with a towel wrapped around his waist when Percy barged into the bathroom, his cheeks glowing. "You have got to be kidding me!" His horn-rimmed glasses misted with steam as soon as he entered the bathroom. Oliver looked up from the sink, glancing at at Percy through the mirror. A smirk crossed his features.

"You're pretty sexy when you're angry," Oliver greeted.

Percy's blush spread from his cheeks to his ears, and he looked down at his feet as he tried to compose himself. "Why does Penelope Clearwater think we are in a relationship?" he managed to ask, though his voice changed in pitch as he spoke.

Oliver turned away from the mirror and leaned against the sink, and Percy removed his glasses to rub his eyes, trying not to look at Oliver's bare chest. He rubbed the steamy lenses with his shirt, his eyes darting around the bathroom, trying to look anywhere but at his friend. Oliver was slightly disappointed—he had been working out on the Quidditch pitch harder than usual later, and he was hoping Percy might notice the change in his physique.

"Why does Penelope Clearwater think that we're dating?" Percy hissed, pushing his glasses back up his nose. "She just announced to the entire common room that we are going on a date to Hogsmeade this weekend!"

"What's wrong with that?" Oliver sniggered. "I didn't exactly say a _date._ "

Percy's eyes narrowed. "You're a terrible liar," he replied. "And anyway, the only way I would go on a date with you is if we were cast down to hell together after I murdered you."

" _Murder_ me?" Oliver teased, feigning shock. "You should be thanking me—I saved your sanity! Penelope was telling everyone she was taking you to Madam Puddifoot's. And anyway, I killed two birds with one stone."

Percy looked horrified at the very idea. "Is that why you went to the Owlery earlier?"

"What?" Oliver was momentarily confused, before he realised that Percy had the wrong end of the stick. "No, you numpty. I mean I managed to get out of a situation like that myself, and I figured this would work well for the both of us."

"What do you mean?"

"Katie Bell. She's been trying to catch me after Quidditch practice again lately, and she hinted at wanting to meet me for a drink at the Three Broomsticks this weekend."

"What's wrong with that?" Percy mimicked Oliver, though his ears reddened again when Oliver shot a glare in his direction. "You could have at least warned me that you were planning this…arrangement."

"I won't lie, I was looking forward to your reaction. I expected you to act so emotional." Oliver pulled a t-shirt over his head now that he was mostly dry, and reached for his jeans. "Are you so embarrassed to be seen on a date with me?" he placed a hand over his heart dramatically.

Just as Percy's blush had faded, his cheeks flushed almost mauve once again. "Of course not," he replied hurriedly, pointedly looking away as Oliver dropped his towel and pulled on his underwear and jeans. "I just didn't think you were in the business of going on dates with boys, not to mention boys who are also your friends."

"But it's not _really_ a date," Oliver said with a smirk, and Percy pursed his lips.

"So you won't mind if I bring some schoolwork along with me?" he replied. "I have a lot to study for, with OWLs coming up."

"Not at all," Oliver threw his wet towel over the bathtub messily and ran a hand through his still-damp hair. "I do so enjoy watching you study, after all."

Percy raised an eyebrow, and shook his head. "That's very strange."

Oliver advanced closer to Percy as he headed for the door that led back to the boy's dormitory. "There's nothing strange about being attracted to someone being all intelligent. Don't pretend you don't like hearing that." Oliver inhaled. "You always smell like parchment."

Percy flushed once again. "And you usually smell like the Quidditch pitch."

Oliver sniggered, and placed a hand on the door, behind Percy's head. "So, you and me, Hogsmeade, Saturday morning? It's a date."

"It's not a date."

"Of course," Oliver tapped his nose and winked. " _Not_ a date." He exited the bathroom, leaving Percy to follow after him, trying to hide the spring that had worked its way into his step.


End file.
